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Gypsy runes

Got my gypsy runes the other day. OMG they are gorgeous! As I was looking them over, it dawned on me that it has been so long since I worked with a set of either those or witches runes that I don't quite remember the full how to cast and read them part. It's been about 15 years and it isn't like this information is as common to find as the tarot or the i ching or the elder runes. I've been finding an occasional tidbit on how to read witches runes, which are about the same as the gypsy runes with an extra 5 pieces standing for the different elements. I know that I could easily figure out a system on my own based on experience but would love to find the 'traditional' way of reading them. So I am looking for information on how to read these.

Tooth fairy initiation

Gabs lost her first tooth today. Granted it was pulled due to a playground injury but the dentist said that it wasn't far from happening anyways and there is another one that should be working its way out soon. But still a very big deal especially since one of her classmates had lost her first tooth a couple weeks ago. She insisted putting it under her pillow and she can be a light sleeper so I was kinda worried. My timing was right and got in and out without her stirring. My baby is growing up.

Shooting in Hollywood

Still in a bit of shock over this news. I've known Laurel for a number of years and I am pretty sure that there may be some on my friends list that know her as well.

On Feb 16, 2012, our friends were the victims of senseless violence. A man entered their home, shot those inside and set their home on fire. Laurel Choy, whose home it was, was the first shot. Her husband was fortunately not at home. They are looking at mounting medical bills, grief and untold loss. Will you please help?

There is a fundraising effort going on to help raise money for medical bills and replacement of necessities. http://igg.me/p/69982

If anything, send healing energy Laurel's way.

Just made my first sale!

Very excited! Just made my first official sale. Waiting for my inventory shipments and get those posted. Jumping for joy!

Stage fright

Been on a freaking emotional rollercoaster. Dealing with a 3 1/2 year old. Most of the time she is lovely and wonderful but then she will turn into a whining little energy sucker. It has been 2 years since I quit my job and became a stay at home mom. My lawsuit settled so I now have a little to use to seed a business. Yeah I am getting that 2 year itch of needing to do something different. I've been writing some fiction but nothing complete yet. So I decided to brush off the old business plan and take a look at if opening a new age book and gift shop is still calling me. It is and for the first time in my life I think it is actually possible. So I am starting to move forward with it. As someone who isn't much of a risk taker, this has my stomach in knots and second guessing myself like crazy. Yeah I do that. I know that I will be fine once I open the shop. I know that I have the skills and the knowledge to make it successful. It is just making the jump. I think it is really some sort of stage fright that I am having. It is an art, a performance art in a way. I've done the one night only performances and I am fine with those. It's the moving to a more permanent venue that has me all in knots.

Blood suckers

I had a doctor's appointment today and the doctor ordered a ton of blood tests. Getting tested for a bunch of vasculitis markers and autoimmune stuff and other stuff that is beyond my degree. I think this was the first time in ages that I actually did not dread having blood drawn. Got another round of Prednisone. Now it is waiting for the test results. At least feeling like my doctor is helping.
I swear the more I look into this disorder, the less I know on what will work. It does seem like I am having a really bad flare but at least the Prednisone is helping me to function right now. The emotional aspect of having to deal with this and realizing that it never went away has been hard but starting to come more to terms with it and at least this time around I don't feel like such a freaking lab rat. I have a doctor's appointment on Monday to go over treatment plans. I am feeling better that I am at least getting taken seriously about it. Just trying to take it one day at a time and keep hoping for lots of pain free, healthy and active days and whatever may come up in the future can be dealt with then as it isn't doing me any good to worry about it now.

occult medicine

After a super long and painful back flare up with standard tests like MRI coming up with no identifiable cause and trying to figure out what is going on, I delved back into my medical history. I had been totally convinced that the fibromyalgia diagnosis was crap. And yup I was right. When I was 9, I was diagnosed with Hypocomplementric Urticaria Vasculitis. Since I was a kid, I only remembered that it meant hives of the blood vessels. I knew that my case was rare as it doesn't show up normally until the late 30's and early 40's.

In doing some online medical journal research on just Urticaria Vasculitis, I kept coming up with a subset (Hypocomplementric) that would match many of the symptoms I have been having. Even though I have had these back flare ups for over a decade, I really didn't think it was the UV as I wasn't breaking out in hives, just getting angioedema on the face and sometimes the hands and feet. Plus by the time I turned 15 I was so tired of doctors, tests and the such where any of the complementary medicines were way more appealling than hospitals and such. In hindsight, I know I took some huge risks health wise especially with not staying in contact with Mayo Clinic and the doctors who are familiar with this, like having my daughter and even basic little stuff like getting a tattoo when I was 27. I also tried not to think about where this disorder can go such as kidney failure, heart or lung issues, strokes, etc. While this isn't widely documented, it is common enough that I really should be actively managing this. Also since I am now at the age where it tends to manifest, I really need to watch it.

The base of this disorder is that my complement immune system is compromised and results in cells exploding. When they are in my skin, they leave visible bruises for the larger ones. Granted not huge black and blue ones that one gets from accidents but bruises. Over time and depending on the severity, this causes some real and permanent damage. Since alot of it is now not visible, I rely on the pain to give me indication that it is happening and since it can cascade super fast, it can begin to open the way for a number of dormant conditions to pop up.

I am currently pursuing chiropractic and massage therapy to help keep the cascades in check. I am taking Benadryl and have recently been a cortisteroid treatment. That worked when I was younger. Benadryl I am not concerned about taking long term, I just don't want to take steroids for any length of time if I really don't have to. I am also on a couple pain killers that I am starting to be able to decrease the more I can stay consistent with the Benadryl. If I can do this mix for the rest of my life with no further complications, I think it is manageable. Since I know it is super challenging to get the local doctors to even listen and because of any possible future complications or progression, I am reestablishing my relationship with Mayo Clinic.

Side note. I found reading medical journals very much like reading Crowley and many of the alchemical writings that I have read. Lots of unknown terms that I am learning and very heavily footnoted.

Still all kinda scary.

Pain the neverending story

Got referred to a pain clinic about a month and a half ago. Took almost a month to get in. The doctor referred me for an MRI and prescribed some pain killers beyond OTC advil. Went for that, looked at the pics. Found one series in the lumbar region labeled "trauma" and one in the cervical region labeled "stenosis". This was last week. Finally got someone at the pain clinic to talk to me yesterday. Apparently my doctor there is in only one day a week. According to the radiologist report, there is no issues in the lumbar region and I have mild stenosis in C4 & C5 but apparently nothing that should be causing the extreme pain that I have been feeling for the last month and a half so I am stuck in limbo at least until my appointment with the doctor next week. That was pretty much the final straw on trying to be strong and had a bit of a mental breakdown. Some days the prescribed pain killers and a few hours with the heating pad are enough but that is not nearly as common as still being in alot of pain.

First MRI that I have had in the 15 years of dealing with this type of pain. Guess it was easier for the doctors to slap Fibromyalgia label than it was to do any sort of testing or research beyond a blood test for rheumitism antibodies.

Part of me was expecting the pain clinic to be a bit more helpful but apparently they are too busy trying to deter drug addicts than try to help the people that need it and help them not have to take those drugs if need be.

So today I am tracking down my primary care physician and hoping to get him to take a look at the MRI images and possibly prescribe a Medrol pack. If there is no spine problem, there may be a possibility that the pain could be part of the Urticaria Vasculitis which I have had for almost 30 years. Which most doctors have no freaking clue about or really care to listen or research. One of my triggers for that is increased radiation exposure over a few days. These normally manifest in hives and leave residual pain that has been equated to shingles pain. I have had outbreaks when I was younger that were not visible on the outside of my body. The only thing that kept it under control was Prednisone and I have used that when I have had longer breakouts. I figure a Medrol pack for a freaking week couldn't hurt but could very well help if that is the cause, especially as one of the label purpose for one of the medications that I am and is doing the most help is for the pain from shingles. I have always hated taking steroids primarily because of the side effects. I just lost all of that weight and I don't want to gain but something keeps making me think of that it could help.

The other thing I am doing is contacting the more inclusive pain clinic a few blocks away that offers massage therapy and chiropractic services. When I have had bad pain before, I have used massage therapy and chiropractic to help ease the pain. Just gets really expensive when insurance doesn't cover it and having to go to some day spa for the massages. Something that hopefully I can get at a more reasonable price. But the cost of the pain is outwaying the cost of those services.

Most of the herbal tricks haven't been working which has been frustrating. Arnica gel typically works at releasing the tension in my neck significantly reducing the pain but it has been making it worse when I try it. The Serenity blend mix of valerian, scullcap, kava kava and a few other supporting herbs hasn't been working well and any more is starting to border on where I say it gets risky taking that much (anything beyond label recommendations as those tend to be high). Been eating aspargus too as that has an enzyme that acts as a mild natural steroid and helps protect the thyroid from radiation damage. Not sure if I just need to drink more juice.

One of the reasons why I am wondering about the connection regarding the radiation is because those levels were elevated for a few days prior to the back/pain flare up and the pain is the worst that I have felt in many many years, well except for childbirth.

Hoping something works.

I never wanted to let go.

Today has been especially emotional. Today is my first daughter's birthday and that is always a hard day for me.

I never wanted to let you go. I wanted to hold on as long as I could. To see you smile and watch you explore the world. All I had was a mother's love and it didn't seem like it was enough. Some day it would change but I knew that I couldn't. I had no money, no job and no home to offer you. I felt so lost and that the world was conspiring to take you away. Your tiny life held in the balance already fighting for survival. On Mother's Day I had to make answer questions on how you were to be buried if you didn't make it. I never wanted to let you go. Oh how I cursed the couple that backed out after that. They could not see how precious you are. There were so many times I wanted to take you and just run and never let you go but no matter how close I got I stopped because I knew that a mother's love wasn't enough to give you a chance, a chance to have a beautiful life and friends and tons of love. I had to let you go. I never wanted to. I mourn all of the things that I missed in your life. I am happy that you have survived and thrived and are now a beautiful woman. I never wanted to let you go but the mother's love won out and made me despite the pain and sorrow that I have felt all of these years.